In 2019, I left my comfy corporate life and began my career as a solopreneur.

Yes. I am 20 years late and I am that odd old guy, sitting in the front of the lecture hall, trying to keep up with those zealous and youthful undergraduates.

Content:

• I post everyday on LinkedIn.
• I muse about the mundane work life, start-up life, and marvel at the psychology of being a boss and be bossed at.
• I rant about why deliberate leadership practices are gold, and battle-tested ways to hone our leadership game. (aka #bossbetter)

Hook, fish, hoard:

• I should house these content somewhere. My work site, or a new blog?
• There needs to be easier ways for others to stalk my work.
• A weekly newsletter, where I poke fun at work and bosses, seems like a logical option.
• I might need to create a few more venues for others to follow my work in their favorite platform at their ideal pace. Instagram? Facebook? Twitter? TikTok? Bytedance? Medium?
• If I go down the above path, it seems sensible to create video content.

Podcasts?
They don’t seem to fit given the different nature of the medium and the work involved.

• Winter Fair, where 400+ people showed up. I was in charge of pasta. Made two sauces, and they tasted good. I got to use the full size kitchen at the school. Everything was so much hotter! I felt useful. The school is coming alone, albeit all the challenges, albeit the humongous loan.
• Their performances were lovely. Not great, but lovely. Seeing them struggling through the songs and poems was the best show on earth.

• The most rewarding experience from the fair was Jing’s ensemble with her friends Jenna and Ceres. A week ago they sounded terrible. We practiced almost every day. They came and slept over and practiced. In the end, they didn’t sound great, but at leas they were able to finish the piece!

• We celebrated my mother-in-law’s birthday. Yes. Everybody is still around.
• Met up with Andy. He was the first person I know from HK that went to Tony Robbins’ courses. It was refreshing to get to know his story, his struggles, and just him. He reached out just because of something I wrote. He acted out of serendipity. I admired that, and it was a fantastic reminder.
• Play practice breakthrough – I was able to get pass regurgitating the lines and started to act. It was a refreshing experience. Zoran has been disrupting the course of my life, and I gladly accept that.
• I had a few good conversations. With K, J, G, and even E. I tried to point to the greatness of K, that he was an amazing creator, and was driven to grow. Same for J, who has been committed to grow and change. My relationship with G has improved. We laughed with each other’s lame jokes. But he’s very thoughtful. I wish I could reason things out like him. And then E. He knew everything I knew. He was tackling things I had never dealt with. But I think I was able to make myself useful to him. He is an amazing human being. I admire him. He cares. As Zoran said, you don’t have to be great, be good, but at the minimum, you must care.
• I had a talk at HKU. I am very grateful that Kevin thought I could be useful to the students. I enjoyed the chat because I noticed how rusty I was. My awareness seemed to have improved so I felt I was a lot more objective in observing myself. This wasn’t a skill I had. It was refreshing to also see how driven, well equipped, positive, those students were, especially those from China. I feel sad that folks in HK are really falling behind, and are complacent.

• I had to pitch to a company for a leadership training program. That company was very discipline in building their young company. I was amazing to see a group of people trying to bring the teachings of Dalio (and the book scaling up). We had to show my deck on a PC, and it looked terrible. I was ok with that, which in hindsight was unacceptable. I will never let that happen again. I will either turn it into a PDF, or create a PowerPoint friendly version, or make my keynote more “device agnostic.”

• Lastly, we had the Advent Spiral for the Kindergarten. It was Chai’s first time, and he refused to walk it. Sharon had to carry him, and it was a beautiful scene. Sharon violated her own rules (again!) and wore dress-like pants. It put out a few candles and thank goodness she didn’t set everything ablaze.
• Personally, I enjoyed being able to play the background music. The process was boring, but the fact that I was able to add something to the ceremony felt good. I am very grateful I have this skill.

These skills.

Perhaps that’s what I am most grateful for. I had opportunities to be useful. I got to cook some pasta, practice with the girls, make some keynotes, present a little, make some music, talk to people.

I don’t feel like I am bragging, even though I keep wondering if this post is a humble brag. But then, even if it is, fine. Because I feel very grateful. I am very lucky. I must have done something right. Sniff.

Let’s start with {Level: 99} Discussion:
How did you feel after having a great discussion?

To get to a {Level: 99} of anything you’ll need something extraordinary. World-class conversationalists, from Chris Voss to Dale Carnegie to Krista Tippett, said that in order to be uncomfortably stretched, we must “edge-ride” on extremes:

(1) STOP TRYING TO FIND COMMON GROUND
A discussion is more than about what we can agree on. It should be about gaining an understanding of why the other side believes what they believe. It is to accept the value in relating to each other without rushing to a common ground. 

In fact, the desire of coming to an agreement put pressure on truly understanding each other.

(2) IT’S ABOUT THOSE YOU DISLIKE
A good discussion is whether you can acknowledge what is good in the beliefs of someone you disagree with. Better yet, can you imagine the perspective of someone you dislike? 

So, can you forget about finding common ground when discussing with someone you dislike?

930-1200: Cafe

• Sort through notes on Drafts on my Mac.
• File and organise notes into TheBrain.
• Start writing ideas on Bear.

• Prepare Pitches
• Write Segment Reports

• Write LinkedIn posts (3 x per week)
• Write longer articles

Afternoon: Coaching Sessions. Walking around. Podcasts, books.

Throughout the day:

• Collect content for #3randomthings and ohwow.
• I use Drafts on my watch to dictate random ideas.

I charge 2% of Your Monthly Salary. How? Why?

Why Are You Sharing This?

Most interactions I have had with potential clients always started with the fees, “How much does it cost?” The same is true when clients browse through the website, checking out testimonials, etc. “How much does it cost?”

Consequently, I either danced around the topic, or I pushed it till the end, so I could present the value of my services, before spelling out the costs.

Therefore I am experimenting with transparency. I want to see if I put the costs upfront, would that make your journey better.

FEES:
1 Coaching Segment =
(Your monthly salary) x 2%

For example, if you make US$5,000 a month, you pay US$100 per session.
You tell me how much you make, and we will go from there.

What do you get from 1 “coaching segment”?

* 1x one hour discussion
* Discussion Report: Summary, Discoveries, Actions
* Weekly goals and practices
* Messages to check-in and assess practices and progress

Why 2%? Why my monthly salary? Why not a flat fee?

Skin in the game
I think it makes sense for me to be in this with you, to have skin in the game- skin in your game.

By becoming your coach, I am investing in your potential and drive for growth. We are forming a partnership. My effort should have a measurable impact to your life, and some of that will come in the form of career progression and advancements. I earn more when you earn more.

Affordable and Accessible Coaching
By charging a small %, anyone can afford coaching. A flat fee, in contrast, makes coaching more costly to the less wealthy- A flat fee is regressive.

I wish I had great coaches much earlier in my career, but I just couldn’t afford it. I wish a tested veteran, someone whom I trusted, someone that wasn’t both the trainer and the referee, was there when I was fired, when I lost motivation, or when I became a General Manager for the first time.

I believe I should try and make excellent coaching accessible to more people.

Here is the catch

I will have to be selective.

1. Session availability is finite. This is because I reserve hours for providing coaching to less privileged communities, students, and junior professionals, and I will also be spending time in running our primary school.
2. I consider these partnerships and investments. I aim at making these investments sound and mutually successful.

Therefore I will be selective in finding the right partners.

I have found these questions most helpful in building successful partnerships:

• What do we ought to know about each other?
• Who is the future, more realised you, and what do you expect from that you?
• A story of “grinding it out”
• What can we not stand?

RANT – A F*cking Stupid Idea

I tried to hire personal trainer. My goal was to lose weight and to gain muscles, so I could find a wife. I asked one of the trainers, “You charge US$100 per session. I want to lose 10 pounds. Why don’t we do this? I will pay you $50 now, and for every pound I lose, I will add $5 to the fee.” I thought that was a fair deal – I pay for what you promise to deliver. It’s the same as paying the full price for a loaf of bread and not a kneaded dough. I thought it was logical. I have proposed this to many personal trainers, everyone told me that it was a f*cking stupid idea.

When I work with you, I am not fixing a toilet. I am not giving you a foot massage. Everyone of you is different. I could customise the coaching fees base on your needs, the complexity of your circumstances, etc. This method is complex and opaque. Imagine if a hairstylist answers, “The cost? Well, it depends on your hair, what you want, and how complex it is. Come in and we will find out,” you probably would walk away.

The world continued to disagree. Then, my chance to test this out arrived. I now have my own business and I get to try whatever I believe is right. I can put this business model to the test. Even though salary is an imperfect representation of one’s abilities or needs, it is a good enough approximation of where someone is in the workplace. Linking my fees to your salary makes the most sense. I am going to try it.

Lastly, a great coach is someone that makes you feel like you don’t need a coach anymore. Romantically, the relationship between me (the coach) and you, is merely a temporary crossing of our individual paths. I happen to be at this section of the unfolding of our lives. You are giving me a chance to be useful. If I am indeed useful, let us reap the rewards together.

I will end with a nicely word-smith quote. It best expresses why being a coach is my opportunity to justify my existence, and 2% of your salary.

“Treat the man as he is, and he will remain as he is. Treat the man as he can and should be, and he will become as can and should be.”

Billy Fitzgerald

Wait, what?

“Creativity is problem formulation.”

Murray Gell-Mann.

Let’s think about it. Useful questions come from clear listening, empathy, the alchemy of analysing and intuiting, self control, patience, curiosity … Practice asking questions is a ultimate compound exercise. It trains a bunch of communication “muscle groups.” It is the “burpees” of communication workouts.

With that, I would like to share a tested practice to better questioning. I call it S.T.A.R.T. 

You can practice S.T.A.R.T. in any conversation you might have with your team, your boss, your kids, yourself, real and or imaginary. 

What is it?

S.T.A.R.T. = 

S= Shut up

T= Think

A= Ask

R= REPEAT!

T= Talk

– You shut up and listen. 

– How can I keep my mouth shut longer? Think about what the other person is saying. 

– What should I be thinking about? Start with what questions to ask.

– Then ask the question.

– Repeat, meaning shut up and think of what questions to ask. 

– Ask another question.

– Good job, now you can talk.

Why this works?

First, it’s guaranteed to reduce your speaking time, which is foundational in improving you chances of becoming a better conversationalist. Some other hacks suggest you to “listen more” and “speak less.” That isn’t helpful because the approach is vague and the impact is inaccurate.

Second, S.T.A.R.T. is meant to be contrarian and obnoxious, so you won’t forget it. If S.T.A.R.T. does not work for you, instead of S= shut up, feel free to spice it up: Shut the XXXX up, shut that hole in your ….

Third, it is structured in a way that you can tweak it and make it work for you. Some people write it down on a stickie note. Some find emojis work better . Or, bring a pen and notebook with you, and draw this before every single conversation:

Lastly, pay close attention to how you fumble and when you are successful, and review often. Some people learn faster when they conduct postmortem self-talks. Some find reflecting with another person revelatory. You should have a robust review mechanism. Experiment and discover what works best for you. 

Bottom Line:

Do the work. Practice this as often as you can. If you believe baking more muffins will make you a better muffin baker, then I shouldn’t need to convince you that asking more useful questions will make you a better useful question asking person.

What else do you need before we start?

Tell me how it goes after 5 days.

During these first 6 months, a few very courageous souls and start-ups gave me the chance to beta-testing the corporate rah-rah I have hoarded over the years. Here are few observations:

1. “High-Performance; Low Potential”: Too often we divest from someone (or ourselves) because their potential is “limited.” No one lacks potential. We merely need to break down leadership traits into approachable blocks and hone them. I am more convinced than ever that a practice-based coaching approach would steer and motivate us to work diligently, patiently and persistently. Yes, we are all bound to be successful

2. Founders, young leaders, and executives all share a similar challenge: the language to articulate ourselves. Business jargons often confuse rather than clarify, and the work on listening from within deserves a lot more attention.

3. It seems difficult for many to evaluate the value of coaching because coaching qualifications and quality don’t always stack up neatly. After all, unlike fitness coaches, we don’t have the muscles to show for. Yet great leaders invest in leadership coaches: Gimlet’s Alex Blumberg and Matthew Lieber, Google’s Sergey Brin and Larry page, SoulCycle’s Elizabeth Cutler and Julie Rice, and more. Clearly we coaches have more work to do

My Practice-based leadership coaching dojo :

Enliven Works — Practice-based Leadership Coaching

“Yea, video-tape your axx all you want. You think Kobe Bryant got great by only by watching VHS?”

6 months ago I decided to end my 20-year corporate career and started my own leadership coaching gig. There was one person that I blame this whole mid-life crisis on: One of my bosses at Nike. This was in the late 2000s. He was an ex-NBA player, and he was the first person that forced practice-based coaching at the workplace on me.

One fall, he started dragging me to join the executive leadership team meetings. I would be asked to present parts of our business unit’s strategy, or participate in debates around quarterly priorities. As a member of the executive team, he would always be in the room to observe me. In the first meeting, I struggled mightily. During our next one-on-one, he went straight in.

“You sucked. You need a lot of work.” He said. “Do you expect a basketball player to not work on his or her weaknesses?” He continued.

He forced me to come up with things to work on. I listed a bunch of things, from the excessive hand gestures to the pathetic incoherence of my logic.

He then asked, “Which one of all these stupid habits of yours is foundational?” I must have looked perplexed because he just continued, “A foundational skill is the bedrock of a set of skills. You first strengthen that skill, and all the other skills can then be stacked on top of it. If a basketball player can’t play with his off hand, what should he be working on first? Is it his left-handed shooting, going to the hoop with his lefthand, or dribbling with both hands?”

I rolled my eyes (in my mind). It was trite to be reminded that we should be aware of our weaknesses, we should commit to practicing new skills, and it was important to know which one to start with. “Duh.” I fired back (in my mind).

“Do you know what made you look nervous and shouldn’t have been let into that room? You know what made that tiny ugly desk outside of my corner office your perfect home? You said ‘really really’ a lot. ” He said.

“The consumers really really engaged with us.” “It is really really important that we focus on activation.” “The team was really really excited about the mission.”

I didn’t think that would be the first thing I should work on. There must be other far more significant flaws I should be tackling instead, I thought. I reluctantly took on the challenge and decided to work on it.

The behaviour itself was easy to overcome. In addition to “really really,” He suggested me to find two other words to rotate through. I chose “incredibly” and “very.” He threw in “really x 1” just to annoy me.

This really really habitual behaviour of mine was an unconscious coping mechanism to nervousness. The simple new habit of alternating adverbs made me become more aware of the moments when nervousness struck. I started to notice my incessant pacing, my distracting hand gestures, and other really really annoying reactionary reflexes. In the past, even if I knew I was nervous, I didn’t know what to do. As I progressed, I started to get better at pausing and creating this tiny mental gap between feeling nervous and reacting.

Tackling this single behaviour turned out to be a foundational change of the relationship between my emotions and my reactions. After having micro-successes in replacing “really really” with … “really x 1”, I gained confidence in my ability to widen the gap between an emotion and taking action. This ability evolved into an anchor for me to work my composure. This gap began to become available when I was flustered, when I was annoyed, when I was defensive, when I got too excited.

Another thing that he did for me was he would always observe me in action. Similar to a real sports coach, he was always sitting at the “courtside” to watch me “play.”

“If a coach of a professional tennis player never actually watched her students played, she wouldn’t be much of a coach.” He retorted when I complained the looming pressure I felt when he was in the room watching me.

“Yea, video-tape your axx all you want. You think Kobe Bryant got great by only be watching VHS?” He barked at me after I suggested I could just review video-recordings of my presentation instead of practicing in front of him.

He applied this practice-observe-iterate coaching approach on my other leadership and interpersonal skills, from negotiation to relatability to self-motivation. In my entire career, I grew the most under him.

He was the catalyst of my appreciation of coaching. He was also that annoying voice in the back of my head that pushed me to make the leap and turn my career towards becoming a leadership coach. Even though this new journey is nerve-wrecking, I know what are some of the things I could do to ensure some meaningful progress. One of them, is to stick to a coach.#coachin

There were so many failed resolutions in the last decade. Only a handful stuck. Hence in this decade, instead of haphazardly swinging at new gimmicky resolutions, I will try and stack on the ones that stuck:

1. My gym clothes are my pyjamas:

Yes. I wear my gym clothes to bed, and my daughter loves embarrassing me by broadcasting this fact to everyone at the dinner tables … This proven trick anchors on the idea of reducing the toll of mental decisions. There are just fewer decisions to battle before bed than right before a workout. The same trick could work for other habits: It could be removing salted egg fried fish skins from your bedside drawer, or sitting further away from that nice coworker who always listens to you whining.

2. Tweak breakfast:

I used to eat junk for breakfast. I decided to change to whole foods. The results quickly showed and it was motivating. Tweaking just one meal meant I was changing 33.33333% of all the food I gorged. A 33% change of anything is meaningful (imagine if your salary is up by 33% … )

3. Delegate to the professionals:

My mom hired a personal trainer and it was the best thing that has happened to her. We tried endless apps and YouTube videos before, but nothing worked as well: She now exercises regularly, and she is also a lot more efficient in every workout, because she is doing it correctly. The same was true when we invested in a couple counsellor. We (or I) paid attention to each other more regularly, and were handling the interactions more efficiently, because we were approaching them relatively more correctly. This applies to all facets of life: work, relationships, health. We instinctively see the value of not trying to cast all our own iron woks or stick acupuncture needles into our sore lower backs. We just need to make mental leap to see it definitely makes more sense to delegate the tasks of truly critical things in life to the professionals.

Being genuinely humble is such a common challenge. I see that especially in highly capable founders and managers that I get to work with.

I tried to be humble too because humility was such a sparkly clean and powerful virtue: A humble leader liberates the team by personally welcoming the inevitable failures that authentic learning brings. If Commodus in the movie “The Gladiator” had humility, his apathetic Stoic Dad Marcus Aurelius would have approved, and no one had to suffer the pillow of death.

I tried to logically think my way into believing my teammates were capable of better ideas. I would proclaim openness in meetings, where “no ideas were stupid.” Yet I could never hold my thoughts back and would always make one comment too soon. “If he’s so smart, why would he pretend and didn’t just say what he wanted?”

Humility is hard. 1st, humility is an alchemy of honesty, curiosity, and courage. These virtues, by themselves, are some of the most challenging attributes to hone. 2nd, one side effect of forced humility is hypocrisy, the worst trust-destroying adornment that no managers want to wear.

One way to work towards humility is to “fake it till you make it.” The “fake” is to make your learning visible. This means you consistently say out loud to your peers and teams about what you have learned. The key here is you must only share things you’ve learned from OTHERS- Not from a book, not from a management retreat, but another human being.

Why does this work? 1st, it is easier to start by being selfish and commit to your own learning. 2nd, making your learning public hold you accountable. Lastly, by focusing your learning from others, you will start to taste the feeling of discovering excellence in others. As these add up, you might be able to scale up to the acme of all virtues.