Nike Rise’s Shitty Press Release

The press release of the new “Nike Rise” store was not written for humans 🥴

Members of Nike’s family of retail concepts:
Nike Rise
House of Innovation
Nike Live
Kicks Lounge
House of Hoops

As a visitor, I could be categorised as a:
Nike Member

Services I need to learn to name:
Nike Experiences
Member Unlock
Scan To Learn
Scan to Try
Nike Fit
Nike By You Personalisation Bar

Apps I might need to use:
Nike App
Nike Running Club App?

(Rewritting a press release for muggles)
This “digitally-enabled store” will study all my interactions with Nike in the www, in the store, through its apps.

Like in the movie “The Minority Report,” the mirrors, staff, notifications on my phone, everything, will interact with me and remind me “we see you; we know you.”

The store and the app will tie in with real time sport moments, such as basketball games or a marathon race taking place in the city, and trigger me to feel empathised and prideful. I will be alerted to offers and activities I don’t know I lust for.

I think I need to use its app in order to not miss anything and do normal shopping stuff, like checking prices and finding the right shoe size. I am unsure if it will be staffed with humans, and I think you can buy shoes here.

In summary, my mom would freak out in this store. So will I.