Confidence

“When I realized that I was smarter than my parents, I felt tremendous shame for having thought that.”

Steve Jobs

Some say confidence comes from evidence of us capable of doing things- hard things, good things, mundane things.

Some say confidence is to be attached.

Some say confidence is to have all the holes inside us filled.

I feel emptiness. I feel groundless and untethered. I yearn and grab and search. The moment I find something I throw them away, because I know they will eventually leave me, so why not be the one to exercise this fate?

Then I start to realise sometimes I can come up with ideas that, though not original, are shared by others. Specifically, others that most consider wise and smart and capable, such as Seth Godin. Or Rabbi Sacks. Or 老子.

How dare you, I said. Shame on you to put yourself next to the greats.

But, perhaps, I am capable too?

Then I started to search. This time, I chose to search for evidence of me capable of coming up with ideas.

I aimed at filling holes with these evidence.

I put ropes around these evidence, looped the ropes around my waist, and leaped. I sensed the feeling of being secured.

“When I realised that I was smarter than Seth Godin, I felt tremendous shame for having thought of that.”

me