His Holiness the Dalai Lama, WTF?

In this video, a few folks asked his Holiness, “How to rid oneself of negative thoughts?”

As he provided his answers, the expressions of those people were absolutely priceless: utter confusion. I shared the same feeling.

His answer had two parts:

1. Stop being self centered.
2. Accept reality as it appears.

He discussed emptiness and selflessness. He also mentioned prajna, upaya and altruism. I decided to find out more about these esoteric words. Only a sage can apply these teachings to curb the cravings for those damn cookies (aka negative thoughts)! His teachings were one of those “I get it but I will never get it” / “intellectually understandable emotionally impossible” kind of concepts.

As a result, I had to draw in order to try and understand more:

in addition, I wanted to apply this in real life. After hours of brain HIIT, I have come up with an instant noodle/Starbucks VIA version of his Holiness’ prajna (wisdom/般若) + upaya (Skills in mean/方便) Jedi mind trick:

Option 1: You can control how you react to a shit situation, even though you can’t control what and when and how shit happens to you.

It’s not you-It’s just your emotions.

It’s not your fault.

(I know that.)

It’s not your fault.

Next, say to yourself, “Fuck you, negative feelings!” Repeat this. Or, simply mimic Hugh Grant in the movie “Four Weddings and A Funeral”, and shout “Bugger! Bugger! Bugger! Bugger! Bugger!” when shit arrives.

Option 2: Go outside, find someone, and ask them, “What was the last shitty thing that happened to you?” Stop when someone shares one shitty thing with you. You will soon find someone telling you something shitty has just happened to him/her. See? Shit happens to everyone, and not only to you! It’s okay! See? We are all part of a big blob!

Option 3: Do 5 good things, immediately This is the “double expresso of altruism” move; this is the ultimate “Be water, my friend” move.

And I mean it when I suggested “immediately”. Literally, immediately as in when those shitty emotions arrive, do 5 good things at that instant. I am not going to tell you what. You have got to commit to spending all your energy to find 5 good things to do. Here is an example:

Today I was having my favourite salad from Tallore in Wanchai. I was standing under a tree. A bird pooped on my head and my salad.

“Fuck man, what the fuck? Why me? Jesus I love my salad! And I know I am not going to win the lottery because of this. COME ON!”

I then had to force myself to do 5 good things, immediately:

(1) I picked up all the trash around me.

(2) I said hi to three people.

(3) I found a door and opened it for 5 people.

(4) I waited for a tourist that looked dumb and lost to show up, and offered help.

(5) I volunteered to take picture for another pair of tourist, and praised their stupid Samsung phone.

Thanks, your Holiness.