It’s been 12 days since we left Hong Kong. The way we moved was far from ideal. We didn’t pack up our home, we just left it. Four suitcases, ten boxes, and Honey, that was all we brought.
I wish we had done it differently. I wish we had gone through our things, emptied the flat, renovated, and rented it out. With the mortgage weighing on me, the rental income would have made a big difference.
But we didn’t. We left it to the last minute and then simply decided not to do anything. It is not the kind of lifestyle I prefer. I didn’t like it one bit, but honestly, I don’t think I had much of a say.
The actual move itself was smooth. Getting Honey ready was the hardest part, endless trips for health certificates and vaccinations. In the end, we got the certificate just six hours before flying. It all worked out, and I was so relieved when we picked her up at the airport.
Right now, we’re in a small Airbnb in Wokingham. I love it here. We can walk into town, and there is a big football pitch right next to us where Chai can kick a ball on his own. Supermarkets and cafes are within walking distance too. It is convenient. But we will not stay here. We will likely move to Bracknell, because Nor prefers the house there.
We have bought two cars, both old Toyotas, both purely functional. I already scratched mine, which is annoying. The harder part, though, is Nor’s fear of driving. I am the worst coach for her. She does not feel calm with me in the car, and she is still terrified. So for now, I do all the driving. I drive both kids to school every day. It is manageable, but not what I would choose if I had a say.
The kids are adjusting in very different ways. Chai loves his new school. Being there felt heartwarming, it was familiar, and he seems settled already. Jing’s transition is much harder. Her school is huge, mainstream, and filled with the kinds of students we do not want her to become, preoccupied with appearances, not very self aware, not very eager to learn. I often wonder if we made a mistake pulling her out of Waldorf.
As for our own school, we decided not to merge and turned down Tony’s HK$15m. I don’t want Nor to keep running it. We have given enough. I have poured in so much money, she has poured in so much of herself. My finances are damaged, her health is damaged. We have done enough. This is the season to recover, and to focus on our kids.
Looking back, I see how much discontent I have been holding, about the move, about the choices for our kids, about the school. So much of it is not how I would have done things. Part of it is that I have not found a way to convince Nor. But it is also more than that. I have lost the will to argue. Part of me still thinks if I just keep the peace, maybe she will let me do what I want. But I do not think that is going to happen. And I do not know how long I can live with that.
The weather here is lovely. The people are lovely. I do not feel dreadful, but I do feel hopeless. Maybe this too shall pass.
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