I don’t want to reread this and re-experience all the internal whining.
True to how reality always unfolds, things are moving forward. We’re in our new place now. It’s nice, spacious, comfortable, and quiet. I enjoy spending time in the kitchen. The rest of the space still feels wasted, though. There’s so much room, and I’m not sure we’ll ever find a use for it. Of course, reality will inevitably bring back clutter and chaos, and soon I’ll miss the emptiness and openness of it all.
Nor is driving more now. She’s becoming more confident, and it’s lovely to witness her progress. I’m grateful for that.
Jing continues to find her place at school. The promise of modern education still feels like a farce. The system seems designed to help teachers and students simply get through the process, rather than inspire genuine learning and growth. Not that the Waldorf system solves this either. We’ve seen enough real-life examples of Waldorf kids growing into unproductive adults. Still, it’s striking how these posh, well-resourced private schools don’t seem to be trying very hard to get education right.
It’s been hard to stay sane. My mind keeps drifting to dark places. It’s a struggle. I feel very alone in this seemingly endless fight. I don’t want to deal with it, but it feels inevitable. I don’t have a career of my own. My social network is tiny. If I want to “fix” this, I’ll need to build a career and expand my social circle. But these are things I don’t enjoy and don’t want to work on. Sometimes it feels like it’s just fate. Maybe it’ll all be fine. Like nor, who has this amazing ability not to worry … maybe worrying is pointless.
So what should I do? Should I try to build something? Restart a career? Make an effort to meet new people?
And yesterday was nor’s birthday. It was probably the most underwhelming birthday in years. Considering the celebrations almost didn’t happen, at least we did something. Kudos to myself. Yay.
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