Tag: Depression

  • The Missing Knight

    I think I have it wrong. Instead of trying to find ways to get me out of ruts, I need to do more of things that I think will help me fall into ruts less frequently. My wife was trying to figure out what triggered the latest episode of me being in meh-mode. She wondered…

  • 是日:東京滅絕大地震日

    昨晚與台灣朋友聊天時,終於第一次近距離接觸到最近偶爾都會聽見關於在日本地區將會發生的滅絕式大地震的預言。 朋友向我匯報近況,說一切都好,唯一就是「7/5」令她感到「有點」不安。我那一刻完全不知道什麼是7/5,也沒有嘗試去理解什麼是「7/5」。然後出於禮貌,我隨便回了一句「7/5?」,之後就去睡覺了。 今早醒來拉屎、翻手機,看見她回覆了我的問題,轉發了一條關於金城保和竜樹諒的各種關於世界浩劫的預言的link。於是這條link就正式把最近轉得火紅火綠的滅絕預言塞到我的awareness。更有意思的就是其中一個大事件,就是會在今天7小時後發生: 哇。好啊。我覺得自己很幸福。我明白,說這樣的話,會令人覺得我在幸災樂禍,顯得我很刻薄。但這真的是我很真實的感受啊。我覺得幸福,是因為最近情緒「經期」又到了,令我心情稍微低迷。跟此朋友這段關於世界浩劫的幾個messages,把我從腐爛的languishing中拉出來了。陰沉無聊想死的烏雲,竟然被更陰沉更充滿死亡的濃霧打散了。我覺得很幸福,因為一件如此無聊的破事,救了我。 所以我覺得很值得紀錄一下這些無聊的事情,一方面可以用此post來對這些預言的一個非常合時宜的紀錄和印證,另一方面此post可以用來提醒未來的自己,任何的情緒低迷,總會被一些最意想不到的瑣事,如同小朋友輕輕吹散蒲公英般,悄然消散。 要提醒自己,以後當自己又一次沈淪在低迷情緒的淤泥時,不要著急,不要放棄,雖然會確確實實地覺得徹底地無助、徹底地絕望,但一定要記得,總是會過去的。是會過去的。

  • ChatGPT = 🛟

    I wrote the below in 20 minutes, entirely with ChatGPT. I did in on a whim. It was something I felt I needed as I was struggling through the aftermath of an episode with my family. I was very depressed and stuck. The Circle of The Grind Last night, I went to an event organized…

  • Forever Cracked

    Ever since that year, 2011, I was forever cracked, broken. I could not get out of this never ending worry for my health. I went on a no carb little meat diet almost 10 years. Then I fell into this on-going battle with binge eating after the 10 days silent retreat. I still struggle to…

  • Getting In and Out of Ruts

    The older I get, the more I fall into ruts. Some collate them with lethargy. Some calls them depression and anxiety. The latest fad term to re-brand ruts? Languishing. I have found enough explanations of why we fall into ruts. I have accepted that ruts are just inevitable facts of existence. As we age, our…

  • A cockroach, Oumuamua, and squirrels.

    A cockroach, Oumuamua, and squirrels. I suffer from mindlessness. When coupled with other cognitive distortions and natural selection, I am the optimal lab rat for any socialists psychologists and Buddhism monks. It was 4:30am. I woke up naturally. I wondered, if I were famous, would this fact earn me an entry into one of Business…