Quietness in the Era of Clubhouse

I installed Clubhouse in late January, after the VC bros used it. I got in just in time for the famous Elon Musk chat.

I have been spending hours on it. I put my hands up. I stalked my idols. I hosted rooms.

Clubhouse is heaven to someone like me. I found it very safe to ask questions, because I would not see the reactions of anyone. I never asked a single question back in college, or in big meetings. I just could not stand the thought of being looked at. I would hunt fo the slightest physical movements to put myself down. On Clubhouse? There are zero visual cues to throw me off. I can just ask away.

But I am a little worried. I think I am allowing parts of my desires to run amok with Clubhouse. This is the first time I feel I am being listened to, that I might be okay, that I might be cool. I felt great whenever I gained new followers. It’s a cycle, where I felt when I spoke more, I was rewarded with more follows, and hence I wanted to speak more.

And this has been the latest of many reminders of “life is unsatisfactory.” I yearn, I gain; I gain, I yearn.

This has also been yet another opportunity to look closely at my tendencies, the mental emotional loops, and the stories I repeat to myself.

Clubhouse amplified me for me to hear me.