Need to hash it out.
nor talked me through how I felt. Was there a sense of helplessness and weakness?
Probably, because I am not feeling the ability to do what I want to do.
I also feel undervalued and under-appreciated.
I feel humiliated and insulted. I think there is anger too. At times I want to lash out. At times I want to withdraw.
Perhaps the biggest issue is I am feeling ashamed because I am being criticised in ways that I found humiliated.
Of course I can look at all these and say, what can I do differently? It’s hard work for sure, and I think this is where the question “is it worth it” comes into play.
It is worth it because the challenges are great. It is worth it because I am challenged. It is worth it because of the people I am working with. It is worth it because it pays. It is worth it, because if I figure out how to deal with this, I am adding new tools into my toolbox.
But when does this become toxic enough that I should call it quits?
Here is what AI suggested:
Signs of a Toxic Work Environment
Constant Stress and Anxiety:
If you frequently feel stressed, anxious, or fearful about going to work, this is a significant red flag. A toxic workplace often creates a culture of fear where employees are afraid to make mistakes or speak up.
Lack of Trust:
A workplace characterized by distrust among colleagues and management can be detrimental. If you notice micromanagement, excessive monitoring, or a culture of blame where mistakes are punished rather than seen as learning opportunities, it may indicate toxicity.
Poor Communication:
Ineffective communication can lead to misunderstandings, confusion, and a lack of clarity about roles and responsibilities. If important information is consistently withheld or miscommunicated, this can create a toxic atmosphere.
Unrealistic Expectations:
If your workload is unmanageable, with constant pressure to meet deadlines without adequate support or resources, it can lead to burnout and dissatisfaction. A culture that glorifies overwork and disregards work-life balance is a strong indicator of toxicity.
Lack of Recognition:
Feeling undervalued and unappreciated for your contributions can demotivate you. If your efforts go unnoticed and you receive little to no feedback, it can contribute to a sense of worthlessness.
High Turnover Rates:
If you observe that many colleagues are leaving the organization or that there is a general sense of dissatisfaction among employees, this can be a sign of a toxic culture. High turnover often indicates deeper issues within the workplace.
Negative Atmosphere:
A pervasive sense of negativity, gossip, and low morale can make it difficult to stay motivated. If you find that complaints and negativity dominate conversations, this can be a sign of a toxic environment.Let’s review each of them.
Constant Stress and Anxiety:
If you frequently feel stressed, anxious, or fearful about going to work, this is a significant red flag. A toxic workplace often creates a culture of fear where employees are afraid to make mistakes or speak up.πππππ
There is definitely stress, anxiety, and fear about going to work. Many days I don’t want to go to work. Especially on Tuesdays and Wednesdays. Because I know there is a chance he will lash out on me. Also on these days I know I will have to confront him, get him approve things, and I want to avoid them. His messages are always nerve wrecking because there is always the possibility that he will go crazy and insult me.
Lack of Trust:
A workplace characterized by distrust among colleagues and management can be detrimental. If you notice micromanagement, excessive monitoring, or a culture of blame where mistakes are punished rather than seen as learning opportunities, it may indicate toxicity.πππππ
This comes and goes. I can look at those instances of close investigation as micromanagement or just deep discussion. I think what I struggle with is more about how these discussions happen. They either don’t happen, or they become seemingly non-stop grilling. I imagine if I were to do it, I would make it a discussion where both sides feel safe to just share ideas and hash out differences, instead of constant fingerpointing and blaming, such as “you don’t know what you are doing,” “you are wrong,” “you are destroying my company,” “I hired you to figure this out,” “you are not smart.” I guess it is more the communication that’s making me feel distrust. Of course the fact that he was known for someone who doesn’t trust easily isn’t helping the situation.
Poor Communication:
Ineffective communication can lead to misunderstandings, confusion, and a lack of clarity about roles and responsibilities. If important information is consistently withheld or miscommunicated, this can create a toxic atmosphere.πππ
I play a part in this. My style of communication does not work well with him. He also does not convey his point of view clearly and lead to confusion and misunderstanding. The lack of consistency in what he says complicates things too. But I feel this would have been more manageable if he isn’t mean and emotional.
Unrealistic Expectations:
If your workload is unmanageable, with constant pressure to meet deadlines without adequate support or resources, it can lead to burnout and dissatisfaction. A culture that glorifies overwork and disregards work-life balance is a strong indicator of toxicity.ππ
Workload is reasonable. There is work life balance. But I suspect this is one cause of why he is often frustrated and emotional. Deep down he wishes everyone works harder, or as hard as he does. At the same time, his expectations are unrealistic, or maybe unclear. But again, if he communicates differently, I think this would have been fine. He is supposed to aim for the moon. That’s what a founder should expect.
Lack of Recognition:
Feeling undervalued and unappreciated for your contributions can demotivate you. If your efforts go unnoticed and you receive little to no feedback, it can contribute to a sense of worthlessness.πππ
I think the feeling of worthlessness comes from the constant criticisms. He tries to show appreciation but it doesn’t feel genuine, because I know how he sees the world. But again, I think it’s the way he expresses himself, the harsh words, the emotional outbursts, that makes everything more difficult to deal with. If this criticisms are more rational, clear, and not emotional, things can be better.
High Turnover Rates:
If you observe that many colleagues are leaving the organization or that there is a general sense of dissatisfaction among employees, this can be a sign of a toxic culture. High turnover often indicates deeper issues within the workplace.ππππ
Definitely. All but one of the externally hired executives left. Why they left is also telling. The themes are consistent. But this data point alone isn’t enough. It’s a lagging indicator so to speak.
Negative Atmosphere:
A pervasive sense of negativity, gossip, and low morale can make it difficult to stay motivated. If you find that complaints and negativity dominate conversations, this can be a sign of a toxic environment.ππππ
The atmosphere is definitely negative. Specifically, the feeling of fear and indifference dominates. Many people take action to avoid getting yelled at. Many just follow directions blindly, causing a lot of poor decisions. But I understand why. It is very hard to push back and take risks because the consequences of mistakes are high – getting insulted, humiliated, ridiculed, and ostracized. The benefits of taking risks are low – low recognition, “this is part of your job anyway, so what’s the big deal,” “not enough!” And as a manager, it is hard to recognize and motivate under this environment because ultimately what matters is what the boss thinks. I feel very powerless to protect and motivate the team because they don’t believe they are truly safe and appreciated.
Oh well. I will be revisiting this often. This reflection has been centering.
Leave a Reply