The move to the UK gave me many excuses (perhaps more like tasks) to buy things, and this has put my personal consumerism “philosophies” to the test.
I want to be frugal. I want everything I buy to be utilitarian. I don’t want to waste. I want to be a semi-minimalist. I believe I’ll find joy in this.
I am now questioning how I look at buying stuff …
Cars
The first major purchase was our cars. I did so much prior research. Yet at the moment of purchase, I got distracted and bought a car I now regret.
I bought the “right” car, the second-hand Yaris Cross, for my wife. I’m happy with that. It’s a hybrid. Elevated seating. Compact, nimble, efficient. It worked perfectly on our Wales trip. Five stars.
Then came my own car. I fell into one of those “I don’t know what the f I was thinking” moments that I can’t seem to stop myself from having.
During months of research I had already concluded I didn’t need one. I had decided a hybrid or EV like the i3 would take priority. If we ever had visitors, renting a bigger car would make more sense.
And then at the dealership, I don’t know why I said I was interested in a 7-seater. The salesman said they had a Verso. I had looked into a Verso before and thought it was great—until I re-thought the whole “more seats” logic and concluded I should just rent when needed and focus on efficiency. Still, I told the guy what a coincidence it was that a Verso was available. I acted as if it was meant to be, and without realizing it, I convinced myself I had to stay consistent with that version of my logic. And I bought this non-hybrid 7-seater.
I dislike the car because I dislike the mental lapse that led to it. It’s larger, harder to park, and double the cost of the Yaris. I also scratched it badly because it’s big, which made me hate it more. It’s annoying that I don’t like my car—that it keeps reminding me of my flaws. Every time I see an i3, I wonder what life would’ve been like if I had waited and followed through with my plan: one car first, then see if our flat had charging, then get an EV or hybrid. Oh well.
Pans, Woks, and Pans
What I hate about buying stuff is how every wrong purchase becomes a daily reminder of the mistake.
I bought a small 20cm non-stick pan from Ninja. I knew non-stick pans are like perishables—handle gently, avoid high heat, no metal utensils, hand-wash only. I picked Ninja because it supposedly uses a ceramic coating. Ceramic means fewer toxins, fewer forever chemicals.
The size was right, perfect for eggs, fish, even chicken wings. But the surface started peeling after less than 2 months of use. I don’t know why. Maybe I scrubbed it too hard during cleaning.
So overall, I like this pan, but every time I see the scratches I’m reminded of the choice I made—to trust Ninja’s ceramic coating.
The wok I got was a cheap untreated 30cm carbon steel from Amazon. I chose carbon steel because it can take the abuse of stir-frying. It needs care and I thought I could give it that.
I managed to season it properly and it had stayed seasoned. It was manageable to clean, even though it isn’t very friendly for my wife. The real problem though is its size. It’s too small. Food keeps flying out. I probably can’t fit a much bigger one on the stove, but a 33cm would’ve been better.
So every time food flies out, I get annoyed because I’m reminded of my mistake of choosing 30cm.
The stainless steel pan was a successful buy. No regret. The size (10 inches) was right. It was a Cuisinart and was not expensive (I managed to not fall for Hexclad or Madein). It is working exactly as imagined. Nothing about it reminds me of my inadequencies. So I guess I should consider this purchase a win.
Knife
I bought the MAC Professional Series Chef’s Knife with Dimples 8”/20cm (MTH-80). I imagined it’d be amazing compared to my old dull knives in HK. It cuts well, but not great. It is not as amazing as I imagined. Every time it doesn’t glide through something, I’m reminded of choosing this brand. Plus, I am babying it too because I constantly worry about dulling it. Maybe I should’ve gone with the more traditional brands. Why did I pick this fancy, lesser-known brand? Why did I make the mental mistake of trying too hard to find the “real gem” and set myself up to never be satisfied?
Buying Clothes Online
Then came another mental farce.
Pants are always hard for me. I have short legs and it has never been easy to find pants that fit me. Plus, I always have to try before buying.
Then Muji ran a free-shipping promo. My daughter wanted a pair of pants, which was expensive enough to qualify for free shipping. For some fucked-up reason, I thought I should get something too. I picked pants because one of my favorite pairs ever was from Muji. But I knew I should never buy pants online—especially in the UK. Still, I did it.
Of course, they didn’t fit. Too long, too loose. I’m going to throw them away so they won’t remind me of that lapse.
I don’t know if I want to keep doing this, that I am so hard on myself! Buying stuff isn’t something I seem to be able to get anything positive out of at the moment.
There are pieces I bought and loved—the Barbour jacket, the fleece from Wales. I love them, and every time I wear them, I congratulate myself for not making mistakes.
But I know if I keep operating like this—if every purchase becomes an evaluation of my mental fortitude—I’ll be miserable and not fun to be around.
I don’t know how else to live, though. I’d rather not buy anything at all. I’m happier doing things—cleaning the bathroom, doing laundry—because it’s easier to feel good about myself. Cooking’s fine too. I don’t judge myself as harshly on these activities.
Buying cuts me twice: first, the act itself feels wasteful; then I judge my decisions harshly. Maybe I’ll never feel good about purchases because deep down I don’t allow myself to enjoy buying stuff.
Yeah. I really don’t know what got me into this mindset. But I guess I should be happy that at least I am aware of how ridiculous this kind of thinking is…. because we still have the dutch oven, the air fryer, a solution to steam … there are still so many more exams coming ….
Leave a Reply