Tag: Mental Health

  • 是日:東京滅絕大地震日

    昨晚與台灣朋友聊天時,終於第一次近距離接觸到最近偶爾都會聽見關於在日本地區將會發生的滅絕式大地震的預言。 朋友向我匯報近況,說一切都好,唯一就是「7/5」令她感到「有點」不安。我那一刻完全不知道什麼是7/5,也沒有嘗試去理解什麼是「7/5」。然後出於禮貌,我隨便回了一句「7/5?」,之後就去睡覺了。 今早醒來拉屎、翻手機,看見她回覆了我的問題,轉發了一條關於金城保和竜樹諒的各種關於世界浩劫的預言的link。於是這條link就正式把最近轉得火紅火綠的滅絕預言塞到我的awareness。更有意思的就是其中一個大事件,就是會在今天7小時後發生: 哇。好啊。我覺得自己很幸福。我明白,說這樣的話,會令人覺得我在幸災樂禍,顯得我很刻薄。但這真的是我很真實的感受啊。我覺得幸福,是因為最近情緒「經期」又到了,令我心情稍微低迷。跟此朋友這段關於世界浩劫的幾個messages,把我從腐爛的languishing中拉出來了。陰沉無聊想死的烏雲,竟然被更陰沉更充滿死亡的濃霧打散了。我覺得很幸福,因為一件如此無聊的破事,救了我。 所以我覺得很值得紀錄一下這些無聊的事情,一方面可以用此post來對這些預言的一個非常合時宜的紀錄和印證,另一方面此post可以用來提醒未來的自己,任何的情緒低迷,總會被一些最意想不到的瑣事,如同小朋友輕輕吹散蒲公英般,悄然消散。 要提醒自己,以後當自己又一次沈淪在低迷情緒的淤泥時,不要著急,不要放棄,雖然會確確實實地覺得徹底地無助、徹底地絕望,但一定要記得,總是會過去的。是會過去的。

  • Contrasting Mental Spirals

    Since I left my last corporate role and returned to working on our own Waldorf school, the thoughts that loop in my head have shifted. This contrast in how my mind spirals has helped me stumble upon ways to manage my mental health—and to make life less bad. At my last job, I had trouble…

  • Does Musk Know He Is Fucked Up? Wrong Question.

    My wife noted, “The worst part is that Musk is unaware of the magnitude of his problems.” I don’t think his problem is a lack of awareness. The biggest problem is that he genuinely doesn’t think there are better solutions. In the latest book on Musk by Issacson, Musk acknowledged his situation multiple times. He…

  • The Very Useful Definition of Mindfulness

    I just finished listening to Lex Fridman’s interview with John Vervaeke. I have been hearing about John and found his ideas intriguing. He is a thinker and a narrator that I feel connected to. I enjoy his talks, but they are always heavy, which makes listening to him “work.” His content is heavy and complex.…

  • Theory of Life, circa March, 2022

    It’s been so hard to focus. My mind seems to have become even more erratic. I started working on the website for Amuse Academy. Then I watched some YouTube video. Then I began doodling this comic idea I had. Now I am writing this post. These happened in a spam of 15 minutes. I also…

  • Forever Cracked

    Ever since that year, 2011, I was forever cracked, broken. I could not get out of this never ending worry for my health. I went on a no carb little meat diet almost 10 years. Then I fell into this on-going battle with binge eating after the 10 days silent retreat. I still struggle to…

  • Year 2020, in #Fail

    I attempted many things, and most of them ended in … failures. Yea I can say I learned from them, but to me, the best way to salvage those lost time is to muse about them. 1. Journaling Gosh I tried so many times- morning journals, dusk journals, bullet journals, 5 minute journals, 5 year…

  • 😪

    Today is August 31st, 2020. In the last 2 months, every day between 11am-3pm, my brain would give up. It would become stuck. I would fall asleep constantly – at a bench in a park, on a bus, anywhere. Summoning motivation was taxing. Staying focused was hard. It is detrimental to my ability to function.…

  • Break. Broken.

    I laid down the matStuck, staring at the lights, stuckBroken, thoroughly. Today I skipped my morning routine. I broke it. Or I am finally broken. My streak was probably … a couple of years long. The riddle I am trying to solve is, if I have to have breaks like this, or are there other…

  • Side Effects of Anti-depressants: Accidental Mindfulness

    I have been battling with my mind for a few years now. I tried talk therapy, CBT, medication, meditation, exercising, morning routines, dusk routines, pre-sleep shut down routines, mushroom elixir, you name it. What I have learned is some of these might work for some of the time. Hence it is important that I accept…