It’s been so hard to focus. My mind seems to have become even more erratic. I started working on the website for Amuse Academy. Then I watched some YouTube video. Then I began doodling this comic idea I had. Now I am writing this post. These happened in a spam of 15 minutes. I also … Read moreTheory of Life, circa March, 2022
Ever since that year, 2011, I was forever cracked, broken. I could not get out of this never ending worry for my health. I went on a no carb little meat diet almost 10 years. Then I fell into this on-going battle with binge eating after the 10 days silent retreat. I still struggle to … Read moreForever Cracked
I attempted many things, and most of them ended in … failures. Yea I can say I learned from them, but to me, the best way to salvage those lost time is to muse about them. 1. Journaling Gosh I tried so many times- morning journals, dusk journals, bullet journals, 5 minute journals, 5 year … Read moreYear 2020, in #Fail
Today is August 31st, 2020. In the last 2 months, every day between 11am-3pm, my brain would give up. It would become stuck. I would fall asleep constantly – at a bench in a park, on a bus, anywhere. Summoning motivation was taxing. Staying focused was hard. It is detrimental to my ability to function. … Read more😪
I laid down the matStuck, staring at the lights, stuckBroken, thoroughly. Today I skipped my morning routine. I broke it. Or I am finally broken. My streak was probably … a couple of years long. The riddle I am trying to solve is, if I have to have breaks like this, or are there other … Read moreBreak. Broken.
I have been battling with my mind for a few years now. I tried talk therapy, CBT, medication, meditation, exercising, morning routines, dusk routines, pre-sleep shut down routines, mushroom elixir, you name it. What I have learned is some of these might work for some of the time. Hence it is important that I accept … Read moreSide Effects of Anti-depressants: Accidental Mindfulness
Why we are addicted to getting dangerously stuck in our minds. We all know what the phrase tunnel vision or cognitive constriction means: it is a kind of rationale narrowing effect that happens inside the brain. You are dragged into this tiny narrow slit inside consciousness. It creates the difficulty, or even impossibility, for the … Read moreThe Sweetness of Tunnel Vision
A cockroach, Oumuamua, and squirrels. I suffer from mindlessness. When coupled with other cognitive distortions and natural selection, I am the optimal lab rat for any socialists psychologists and Buddhism monks. It was 4:30am. I woke up naturally. I wondered, if I were famous, would this fact earn me an entry into one of Business … Read moreA cockroach, Oumuamua, and squirrels.
“Making 2018 Meaningful”: Part 3: Stepping into 2019 Last year, I wanted to focus on three things: (1) Feeling more “in the middle”(2) Feeling “the kind of happiness from looking at anything Nintendo in Japanese brings me.”(3) Feeling more “useful more consistently” With mixed results, perhaps indicators of progress, I nudged forward, gingerly. The quest … Read moreHow do I want to feel in 2019?