Category: 4. Live Less Bad
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Forever Cracked
Ever since that year, 2011, I was forever cracked, broken. I could not get out of this never ending worry for my health. I went on a no carb little meat diet almost 10 years. Then I fell into this on-going battle with binge eating after the 10 days silent retreat. I still struggle to…
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Rejected @ 45
I was rejected, again. Jeez, again, really? Seriously? At the age of 45? It sucks. It still sucks, and it is difficult to not think that it’s me who screwed it up. On paper, I cannot see how anyone would reject me- Good education. Pretty logical and uncomplicated career path. Good companies and titles. Not…
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Do you remember where you were on September 11th, 2001?
I do. I have a personal story of 911. I have my own narrative of how I participated in that moment in history. I was in Ann Arbor, walking down South State street. In the air, beneath the warm confident blue sky, a whisper of the dry Midwest cold to come. I have memories of…
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A Freak Show #Tokyo2020
I admit. This is a freak show. I am talking about the Paralympics. I want to hide it but this is how I really feel- This is a freak show. I would be pretentious if I claim to be very comfortable and supportive of the Paralympics games. I would be lying if I say I…
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Life Truths @10 August, 2021.
Strive to live honestly, not always happily. Strive to have what we need, not what we want. Strive for what is true, not what feels true. I need to remind myself things like this all the time. I also need to revisit them all the time, because I seem to suck at remembering them. Perhaps…
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CCP @ 100
Anything that generates a lot of internal resistance is probably something we should pay the utmost attention to. Understanding Communist China is one of those tantalizing things. On one hand, the naive part of me wants China to be good. This is not because I am Chinese, it is because we all are stuck on…
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A Brain Twister That Saved A 45 Year Old First-Time Entrepreneurship
I have been struggling. As a 45 year old first time entrepreneur, I find being on my own surprisingly difficult. I now truly know what “I am too old for this shit” feels like. I didn’t realize how much I have gotten used to surviving and navigating in a workplace where the circumstances, context, and rules…
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Father’s Day 2021
I have not talked to my father since 2016. He was verbally abusive to my brother and his family, and I gave up on trying to rebuild a relationship with him. My parents separated when I was 14. It was a peaceful break up. Having said that, knowing what I now know about psychology and…
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The Last Time, by Sam Harris
Take a moment to think about all the things in this life that you will experience for the last time. When is the last time you swim in the ocean? Or went camping? When is the last time you took a walk just to take a walk? As you go about your day today, consider…
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「佳節之思」寫一抒情文
沒想到，在短短25年，這個社會裏所有的真相，都變得模糊。 原來每6件我的事實當中就有4件是別人的fake news。原來低脂可減肥可致肥可減肥。原來運動是暴動是運動。 你我看到的、聽到的、體驗到的、原來是都不可能一樣的。我們可同意的、可共覓的，越來越少。 現在我們只可以依靠別人替我們的warrior hearts代言。我們只可以透過暗淡的顏色尋找共鳴和同志。我們只可以把我們對土根的愛與抱負，寄託於灣仔長大的小肉鮮22歲的壽辰派對。 我覺得很懦弱。自己所有的選擇，都很自私。我在逃避、在放棄。我是一個活廢老。每次當孩子問及一些連我自己這個成年人也不明白的問題時，我都會騙他說：「你長大後就會明白的。」我很討厭自己為什麼找不到勇氣，跟他說實話？「孩子，你長大後就會明白如何妥協的。」 維克多·弗蘭克在「Man’s Search For Meaning」一書裏說：「當一個人成功找到『意義』後，他會找到快樂，也會找到應對痛苦的能耐。」 所以每逢佳節，我都會問自己：「我是否每天都在做連三歲小孩子都知道是有意義的事情嗎？」 對我而言，唯一能幫助自己找到在這個社會偷生的能耐，就是常常認真地回答這個問題。